I have spent quite a long time consuming things; bunch of books that stirs up artificial excitements, podcasts that tells me how to build a successful business, Youtube videos of Buddhist monk telling me to stop watching youtube video, music about gangbanging lifestyle that are as foreign to me as a Mongolians, or psychedelic mushrooms that makes me resonate deeply with schizophrenics. When given a moment of silence, my first instinct is to consume random shits. You know exactly what I’m talking about, legs going numb doom scrolling while taking a shit. The system that I find myself in is rigged for consumption.
Sometimes I even get a sense of gratification as if I am accomplishing something. Like watching videos on youtube about The SAT Question Everyone Got Wrong. As I justify in my head, “This is educational.” But I must not fool myself, as I am the easiest person to fool, this video has nothing to do with my values, I am just coping. But what am I coping myself against? The all pervading nature of suffering of the universe perhaps. Or maybe my all pervading nature of laziness to do shit. Either way, I need to jiu jitsu my way through this mess.
This is where this website comes in. It is my selfish act to tip the equilibrium state towards creation rather than consumption. This is why I didn’t use wix.com to make this website but learned Java Script, HTML, CSS... to build it (Okay can’t lie, I just didn’t want to pay the monthly fee, but that's besides the point.) The simplest, yet a very high leverage form of creation is writing so that will mainly be what I will do here. I enjoy writing and I have a very distinct style of writing that my good friends describe as cringe. But hey, anything to work the creative aspect of my life is a win at this point.