Beep beep, I'm fucked or I'm just hungry, yo

I was driving my dad's new fancy little camping car to drop my sister off at the airport. This car has some neat features that I wish I could turn off. Like when I'm going off the lane, “beep beep stop doing that” or if I'm speeding up too fast, “beep beep stop doing that too.” That's cool and all. But then there are random beeps that happen with no indication of what the beep is about. I try to look for an explanation that says, like, "Oh, this beeping is about the Bluetooth not connecting, or the fridge being left open, or the car is about to explode." But with no luck. It doesn't tell me what the beeping is about, so I put on my beepologist hat and try to analyze what the beeping is about. I notice the duration of the gaps between the beeps is not consistent enough for it to be something like a fridge being left open, because I would assume that to be consistent, like a linear beeping. I also got a feeling that the beeping doesn't sound too urgent or intimidating enough for it to be something too serious like the car is about to explode. If I were the beeping engineer of this car, I would definitely BEEP with all caps pre-explosion.

The ominous beeping continued, beep beep beep, and then out of nowhere, without me interjecting, it stopped. Peace at last. Life is good. All is well. Insert all the other blissful three-word phrases. Peanut-butter and Jelly. But one thing I know about life, all good things must end. Ten minutes later, the beep resumed, but this time, beep beep, two beeps, not one, from the back of the van, not the front. Then, another beep, but this time the emphasis was on the second E of the bEep, rather than the third beEp.

And now I'm sitting here in the dissonant concoction of beeps with no explanation. Even if I wanted to look up what the different beeps are about, I had no luck. I mean, Google can’t help you with “What does a beep with emphasis on the second E mean in a camping car?”

The takeaway? Have a beepologist friend? Maybe. But I realized that the beeping of this fancy little camping car is not something unique to this camping car. In fact, I experience it every day when I feel shitty about God knows what, and try to figure out what the shittiness is about. And this shittiness is the beep. I feel a shittiness and I don't know if it’s because I am experiencing the innate suffering of life, God is punishing me for my sins, or I'm just hungry.

I’ve always had a hard time figuring out what the shittiness is about, and the shittiness has different tones, just like how beeps' emphasis could be on the second E or the third E. And just like the beeps, I can’t look up on Google “why do I feel shitty? Am I fucked? Or am I hungry?” I try to put on my shittynessologist hat and figure out the source of my shittiness. But often I'm left hopeless. Should I break up with my girlfriend and become a monk, or should I go get a cheeseburger with extra fries? But before I make any moves, poof, the shittiness disappears. Peace at last, etc. etc.

The real question to answer now is how to approach the beeps. Should I learn to tolerate the beeps or should I try to figure out the source of the beeping and extinguish it? The answer differs depending on which gurus you listen to on YouTube. For now, I guess I will rap to the beat of the beeps. Hence, this essay, yo.