In the basketball video game NBA 2K, each player is allotted different stats. For Steph Curry, his three-point shooting is maxed out at 99, and LeBron James’ athleticism is also maxed at 99.
For me, I have been wanting to max out my vulnerability stats to 99.
Vulnerability, to me, is the ability to drop my guard in every interaction and shine light on my deepest and darkest insecurities. Vulnerability goes hand in hand with authenticity, and I believe these abilities are essential to building real connections with others. I am not talking about the connection that comes from having common interests; the connection I am talking about is the merging of souls.
Vulnerability allows me to stop getting caught up in trying to project a specific perception of myself. I am showing the purest version of who I am, including both the light and the shadow. When I do this, life becomes so much simpler. Playing the game of invulnerability makes it so that I have to juggle different identities to fit the situation I face. You know what I’m talking about when two people from different aspects of your life come together, and you don’t know how to act because you normally project two different personas.
Now, this is all cool on paper, but in practice, it can get a little difficult. Remember, a big part of being vulnerable is showing the shadow. This is especially hard if you have sticky labels on yourself, like “I am a good person.” Because a “good person” always returns the shopping carts. A “good person” doesn’t get attracted to their friend’s girlfriend. The stickier the label, the more painful it is to peel away.
But I find that all these hardships are worth it because I can’t stand the feeling of isolation, the feeling of not being able to connect. My biggest fear in life is just that, not being able to and not knowing how to feel connected to anyone and the world. I have certainly felt this way before, and the path of vulnerability seems to be the way forward.
So I have been practicing it in my daily life very intentionally with my friends over the past couple of months. Especially with Noah, we met up twice a week and worked hard on it. Maybe I can write the details of our training in another post, but it gets super uncomfortable at times. However, all the hard work feels like it’s paying off. I find myself feeling connected with more people nowadays.
But now comes the real test. Ram Dass, a Harvard professor turned spiritual teacher, once said, “If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family.” And here I am, spending time with my family.
Result? I cried hard while eating a vegetable quesadilla at a café yesterday for lunch. This is pretty out there for me. I have never really cried in front of my family before. But the tears came hard like a waterfall during the monsoon. I was telling my mom that I really want her to be happy, and I meant it. My family seemed like they didn’t really know what to do and seemed concerned. But I guess they have to get used to this.
The side effect of maximizing vulnerability? Crying while eating a vegetable quesadilla.